Ven's Reflections
by Aishiteru Sabaku no Gaara
Summary: Ven reflects on his final moments. Implied yaoi! Terra/Ven


**A/N: Okay... So I wanted to do something from Ven's point of view. Unfortunately, I had to skip over the fight scenes because if I put them in there, everyone would think I'm crazy. It would be like forty million pages if I mapped out the whole fight three times! In any case... I hope it's okay! R&R! =)**

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**Reflections**

_~A reflection on Ven's thoughts before the final moment~_

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I remember waking up that morning and knowing that something was off. I didn't know what was wrong, but I definitely knew that something was amiss. And it involved him and I. We had all been best friends, but it seemed that all of us were growing even further apart. Ever since he failed the Mark of Mastery exam, he's been acting strangely. It was as if that one moment defined his fate. That that one moment would affect his decisions to do something horrible. I didn't like it. All I wanted was for all three of us to be together and be friends. Well, I wanted more from him. I wanted to be _with_ him. As more than a friend.

We had always been there for each other. We trained together. We traveled together. But I was always the lower one. Aqua and him were far above me. In both strength and skill. Not to mention age. And height... I don't remember much after the Mark of Mastery exams. All I remember was that Terra just wasn't the same after that day. No matter how much I tried to get close to him, he always pushed me away. As if he didn't want to be friends with me anymore. Did something happen that I didn't know about? Did someone say something I didn't hear? It worried me.

However, no matter what I said, he was so insistent on being stronger. He claimed that it was to defend me and protect me. But I think it was something more. I don't want to say I knew his heart was blacked out by the darkness, but sometimes it felt that way. No matter how many times we were together, it seemed it kept getting worse with each encounter. I watched him circle the drain and there was nothing I could do about it. Terra was losing himself. And it wasn't to me.

I still remember that night that I cried out to him to stop. I cried for him to go back to the way he was before. Even though we were together physically, it seemed he wasn't thinking of me, but rather that he was dominating me instead. The very first time it happened, I was still a virgin. The very first time, he took his time. He loved me. We enjoyed each other and didn't want it to end. It seemed we couldn't get enough. Then as time progressed... he got rougher and more demanding. He treated me like a slave, rather than a lover. It was no longer enjoyable. It was no longer fun. There was no love left. I loved him with all my imperfect heart.

But it wasn't enough for him. He wanted power. He always wanted power. Power came above everything else. If it didn't involve Terra being on top, he didn't like it. I think he despised Aqua for making the Mark of Mastery and that he failed. I think he let his envy control him. Maybe that's what sparked his need for power. Thinking back on it now, I wish I had seen that spark of darkness that he let go during the exam. I wish I'd paid more attention to him. I wish... I wish I wasn't so weak. I've always been the weak one! "Poor little Ven. He always needs someone to protect him!" For once, I wish they were wrong. I barely beat Vanitas at the Badlands. My power was always lower than Terra's and Aqua's. But Aqua still looked out for me and I believe Terra still loved me. Even if it wasn't in his eyes all the time, I believe he did. He meant well. He really did. But he went about it the wrong way. And I think that's what tore us apart.

Terra was always the strong one of us all. But one little slip of the control over darkness made him snap. Something he could not control made him lose his heart to the darkness. I still remember calling out to him that night, asking him not to leave me. We had run into each other between missions. We had a brief moment of peace between us, as if the darkness never existed. I begged him not to leave me again. I begged him to give up on the power. I begged him to just come home, to end all of this.

He wouldn't listen.

I'll never forget watching him dress with a scowl on his face while I laid there powerless to his decision. He claimed the power was for me. So that he could protect our love. So he could protect _me_. That idiot! I wanted him over the protection! Damn the protection! I didn't need protecting all the time! Just once... I wanted to protect Terra. I wanted to shield him from the darkness. But the more I clung to him, the further away he got from me. The further he went into the darkness. Even we had our breaking point. And that breaking point was when Eraqus tried to kill me.

I'll never forget what Master Eraqus said to me that day. He apologized to me. He needed to kill me. How I wish he did. I didn't know I was just a pawn in a bigger game to release the X-blade. How was I to know? All my memories were removed from me when I had a broken heart. The breaking point was when Terra showed up and stopped Eraqus. If he would have just let me die, none of this would have happened. If I would have just... died...

But Terra wouldn't allow that to happen. That day... the last bit of love Terra had for me dissipated into the abyss of his ever-growing greed for power. He no longer loved me; he loved power. Power was his significant other now. When I found out that he killed Eraqus, I knew Terra was too far into the darkness for even my light to shine through. I wish I was stronger. If only I had the strength to pull him out of that darkness. But I didn't. Eraqus wanted me dead to keep from combining with Vanitas to form the X-blade. I don't want Terra and Aqua and all of these people that I've befriended to die because of this horrific joining. Vanitas was separated from me. He was the darkness that existed in my heart. I know that now. That was why my memories were fractured.

I sigh aloud as I stand there at the edge of the huge canyon. The canyon that I know will be my final resting place as "Ventus." I know Terra won't let anything happen to me, but I also know that he can't stop what will happen. Master Xehanort wanted darkness to be let into my heart. I wouldn't allow it so he forcibly unlocked my heart and extracted it. I don't want to remember this! I don't want to be the ultimate cause of everyone's sadness! I want Terra to be happy. I want Aqua to be happy! I want... I want all of us to go back to the way we were before all of this.

However...

That will never happen.

Now, I'm in the Keyblade Graveyard. My final resting place. As I walk through the pathway lined with forgotten keyblades, my mind is made up: I will die to save my friends. I'm fine with that. If Terra is happy, and alive, then I don't want anything else. If Aqua is alive and well, I don't want anything else. This ends with me. It started with me, and it will end with me. The X-blade will not have a chance to exist. I will make sure that either I kill Vanitas, or I die myself so that we cannot be rejoined. Everything starts to clear up as I walk that long dirt path to my friends. I glance up at them once and then new resolutions come into my mind.

I will not bow. I will not lose. I will give it my all. I will make sure that this X-blade will NEVER exist. I will not allow Terra or Aqua to be harmed. This all stemmed from me not being strong enough. And I refuse to let it end that way. I will show everyone that I am strong enough. That I can handle myself. That I don't _need_ their protection. That I'm not just some weak little boy with no direction.

I pause at the middle of the crossroads where Terra and Aqua are. I refuse to meet there eyes as I tell them, "Xehanort... wants me and Vanitas to fight." And before I know it, I'm spilling everything that I know to be true. About the X-blade. About Eraqus's reasons for wanting to kill me and how I don't know what it is. How scared I am.

And then the old Terra resurfaced. But I couldn't find joy in his words as he told me to relax and that everything would be all right. The last time he told me that, he disappeared and when we met again, he was completely different. I realized now that my feelings for him are different now. Even if he says that he'll do whatever it takes to keep me safe, all I can do is swat his hand away and insist upon my decision. I know Terra doesn't particularly like the request I made of him. I can hear it in his voice and feel it in his touch. But I wanted him to understand that... I was doing this for him. If push came to shove and Vanitas and I really rejoined again, I wanted him to kill me. I was... happy... that I got to experience the old Terra again. But I knew it wouldn't last long.

When Aqua put her hand on my cheek to try to comfort me, I felt my resolve slipping. No, I couldn't let that happen. I pushed Aqua's hand away and took Terra's hand off my shoulder, my hand lingering a split-second more than I wanted it to. "I'm asking you... as a friend... to put an end to me," I told them, my eyes finally meeting theirs.

Our moment was short lived, however as Xehanort and Vanitas appeared, introducing us to the Keyblade Graveyard. He spoke of power, something Terra strived to obtain. As Xehanort continued to speak, it set a fire inside of all of us. Terra was the first to run, only to be smacked aside by a boulder.

Everything else happened so fast. All I remember was trying to slice at Xehanort to save Terra, my last dying effort to protect him. Only to be infused with darkness and my body frozen in place in Aqua's arms. Then this man showed up and started to talk about Terra giving in to the darkness. "Shut up!" I hissed at him. Terra would never... He wouldn't leave me! He promised! He swore he'd be there for me forever! I know he's made some horrible decisions and hurt a lot of people, but... I still love him. He's still the same Terra I fell in love with. So what if he made mistakes! Who doesn't!

I lost faith in him for a time... but Terra... is an amazing person. He's my best friend. I have mixed feelings about the current Terra, but... when it all comes down to it, no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise, I still am deeply in love with him. I'll do anything for him. I just wish he'd see that... But that's no reason for anyone to doubt him. That's no reason for someone that doesn't even know him to say he'll succumb to the darkness! H-he wouldn't leave me... He wouldn't.

Would he?

As Aqua ran off to fight the man, I was once again reminded of how weak I am. Everyone is fighting their battles, yet I'm the only one still frozen in place. I can't move. No matter how hard I try, I can't get my muscles to break free of this debilitating ice encasing my body. I need to fight, too! If I beat Vanitas, or if I just die, everything will go back to normal. Xehanort's plan of releasing the X-blade will be null and void. After all, he needs both of us to form it. If one part is missing, he can't make it.

The next thing I knew, the man ran off and Aqua was getting ready to chase him. Before I could muster the words, they had already left my lips. I screamed for her to look out, but I was too late. Vanitas struck her down. And I'm still lying here! I try harder to get my muscles moving, but it's no use! I have to hurry! He's about to unlock her heart! If that happens, darkness with openly flow in! She'll be vulnerable! I can't let that happen! The more I struggle, the more I feel the ice melting. I don't know how, and I don't know why, but I manage to break free of the ice.

Vanitas and I fight and it takes its toll on both of us. I finally defeat him a few moments later and I can't help but listen to his voice. He tells me that this was all planned. That now that his body was perishing, we had no choice but to join. No... no, that's not true! I do have a choice! I can't let this happen! If we join again... If we join again, Terra and Aqua will be in danger. And it will be all my fault. Fear courses through my body as I stand there, watching as my surroundings fade to light. It hurts. It hurts so bad. And then there's nothing.

When I awake, I'm in an unfamiliar place. Vanitas starts to talk again about the X-blade. How am I supposed to defeat that! I shake my head and get ready for the fight of my life. If I defeat the X-blade, my heart will no longer exist. I'm fine with that. I'm fine without existing. If it means my friends will be safe, then I'm fine with anything. I would gladly give up my existence for Terra.

As we fight, I feel the strength of my friends give me power. Ultimately, I defeat him and destroy the X-blade. My friends are safe. A warmth engulfs me. A sudden nostalgic feeling. I feel... like I'm home. I'm sorry, Terra. I'm sorry, Aqua. We won't ever be able to go back to the way we were. But at least you two can move on. At least you two can find happiness and find a new life for yourselves. And as long as you don't forget me, I will live on in your hearts. I'm sorry, Terra. It looks like we won't be able to be together anymore. Please don't be upset with me. I wish I could see your smile one more time. I wish I could hear you say...

"I love you."

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**All right! That's it! Hope you liked it! I might do more insight stories for different characters if this one goes over well. I rated it this way just in case due to the implied yaoi. Review and let me know what you think.**

**Ja ne!**


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